Starting today, on Mondays, I will post reflections from the weekend and/or something that I discovered over the weekend. This week, in a serious relationship talk on a date, we discussed how we are so much better without our exes. The conversation was indeed intriguing and motivated me to write this post. Here is a list of five reasons why I’m better without my exes. Please note that this list is a combination of reasons from several exes and not just one particularly.
5. Your eating habits were bad for my diabetes.
My exes all had bad eating habits that encouraged made me eat badly. I’ve had the boyfriend that always ate rice (horrible for diabetics), the boyfriend that ate McDonald’s and Burger King Everyday (bad for weight loss), and the boyfriend that was the takeout king (just expensive). Me being a type-1 diabetic, I must watch what I eat. I don’t think that it’s my boyfriend’s responsibility to “monitor” me; however, his lifestyle should be somewhat positive that I don’t feel bad eating healthy at least 3 days out the week.
4. You let me get my way……. ALL THE TIME!
I have had several boyfriends that fell into the category of “pushovers”. I got my way 90% of the time. I mean honestly, it’s not bad for me to get my way, it’s actually important that I do. However, there are times when I SHOULD NOT get my way because it’s actually bad for me at the moment. I need a man strong and smart enough to know the difference.
3. You stunted my growth.
I’ve had some lazy ass boyfriends in the past. I mean the kind where I have been the one keeping them on track and motivating them. That is a draining job by the way. Additionally, because they really didn’t do much with themselves, it has stunted my growth and made me into a lazy person as well. I watched myself turn from the person who was out of bed at 5am everyday to the girl sleeping until noon. And where was my boyfriend? Oh yeah he was sleeping in until 2pm. It’s critical to be with someone who can allow you to grow. I must say all of my relationships in the past, I wasn’t growing, I was actually just settling.
2. You were bad with money.
This is self-explanatory. You are horrible with money and I’m not the best with it= bad combination.
1. You didn’t inspire me.
The top reason I am better without every single ex I have ever had, is because none of them, I mean NONE of them inspired me. They all lacked that “special drive” that would have inspired me to do better. It really comes down to these men not knowing enough about themselves. Most of them had no idea what they were living for or how they were going to accomplish any of their goals (if they had any). I guess this poses a more serious question of whether we need to be inspired by those we love in order for it to work. On the other hand, maybe the better question is whether I really ever loved these men. Nevertheless, I’m better without all my exes because none of them inspired me to do more, see more, or learn more. Without inspiration, I’m dead.
Conclusion: When you are sitting back thinking about your exes as I often do, think objectively whether these people were even good for you. I know in the end, none of my exes was the ONE. I may miss them, and I may even get a moment of weakness and pretend as if those are/was the one. (the easy way out). The truth is, they were not. If I ever got back with any of my exes, I would simply be pathetic loser settling in order to have a man by my side. (Tragic)
Just A Thought……
Weeellll… I have to be the Devil’s Advocate…
If in fact you are your own woman, how could any of the things that you have listed “make” you worse? If your boyfriend eats like crap.. why do you HAVE to? How does that MAKE you do it too? Same with money. It is even worse to say that his lack of hobbies caused you not to take interest in your own self pleasure and recreation. Let’s hope that you did not have hobbies before, but YOU chose to cease participating in those activities once you got in a relationship. How does one MAKE you stop doing you? Is your posting really a reflection in the mirror as to your own self disapointments? This does not excuse the pitful, sorry ex boyfriends you may have had. Men suck and they always will. We are not going to change any of them. However, I do believe that our own lives, our own destiny, is just that – OURS. And that should not change whether you are in a relationship or not. The question you may be asking and that you should ask is how to maintain a sense of self identity, instead of taking on the identities of who ever you are with for the moment. NEVER LOSE YOURSELF!
Dear Devil’s Advocate,
I don’t think this article is about losing yourself per se. Maybe it’s a paradox because in some ways you don’t want to lose yourself but in other ways you have to lose certain things for the greater good of the relationship. (Giving up the I for a We). Kinda like becoming one. Prime example, #5 is about eating habits. It’s more of a display that if you and him are not on the same page, it will be hard to become ONE. I mean what’s really the answer, cook two meals, one for him and the other for you? I guess you can do that but naw that’s not practical all the time and can be costly. The rest of the examples is not really about me losing myself it’s more about losing steam. I guarantee if you stay around garbage long enough you start to stink. In other words, you can’t be with a partner that doesn’t compliment you and doesn’t make you better. It is true, your destiny is yours but that can be changed dramatically by the people you choose to put in your corner. We grow in two ways in this world, one by the books we read and the other by people we meet. If you are choosing partners that is not fostering your own self growth then you are doomed. So maybe this posting is really not about my own self disappointment per se, it’s more about my disappointment in choosing mates that didn’t foster my own growth and in a sense make me a better person. So in the a sense my eating habits never really got worse, my money habits never really got worse, my inspiration level I guess never really got worse either, but they never got Better with any of the these partners. So that’s really the point, does your partner make you better? Nevertheless Great Comment.
I like that better… so its more like an over compromise, than losing yourself. Cool.
Let me get this striaght, your exes were some fat asses, Pushover, Lazy Ass, Broke, uninspirational Men… gotcha, yes you are beter without them.